Some Suggestions for being a Good Client
:-) A lighthearted look
at some important points, please note this
is not a list of my expectations per se
but is provided more as some things to think
about before visiting/seeking the services
of a professional
escort.
Before the booking...
Your Age
I prefer to see clients who are over
35. (if you are between 27-35, I will
consider seeing you after chatting with
you first)
Cleanliness
Have a shower - paying particular attention
to washing your private parts - and
brush your teeth... the chances of me
being a willing participant in erotic
games with you is directly proportional
to your level of personal hygiene. The
more you soap the closer I will get!
Have a shave
Unfortunately I don't class a "sanding-down"
by a five o'clock shadow as foreplay.
Money
Have the payment ready in cash, unless
otherwise agreed, and counted. You have
already found out how much it is going
to cost, so to spare both of us any
embarrassment, make sure the amount
is correct and place it in an envelope
or separate from the rest of your money.
Alcohol or Recreational Drugs
A Gin and Tonic to help with your nerves,
or a brandy to arouse you is OK. Ten
bottles of VB is not a good idea. Alcohol
is a depressant rather than a stimulant
and although you may think that it improves
your staying power, it is more likely
to prevent you from reaching orgasm
at all... and beer breath is a turn-off.
If you turn up under the influence of
recreational drugs, I will cancel your
booking with no refund. Taking some
speed beforehand so that you dont cum
does not impress me. If I discover during
the booking that you have used such
drugs before coming in to visit me,
the session will be terminated. I personally
do not use drugs, and find that if the
person I am with is under the influence
of drugs the session totally ruins the
mood of our encounter.
Together at last...
Conversation
Be courteous. If I am visiting you,
offer a drink... engage in a little
chit-chat, treat me like a lady. Don't
grope me the moment that I walk through
the door. You may be paying for my services,
but a little respect will pay dividends
later... Detailed personal questions
are a no-go area. I am with you under
a business arrangement, so don't expect
me to tell you my life history or innermost
secrets... Under no circumstances ask:
.What does your boyfriend think about
your work?
.How long have you been doing this?
.Do your parents know about your job?
.How much money do you make?
.Do you pay tax?
.Why don't you marry a rich man and
forget about this work?
.How many men do you see in one night?,
etc.
These are very personal and patronizing
questions, so don't ask them, unless
you are looking for a very cool performance
or equally embarrassing questions in
return.
Payment
You should already have the payment
ready, so at a suitable moment when
I mention fixing the business side of
things, hand me the payment. Don't get
the money out and count it into my hand
like a checkout girl at your local supermarket...
and don't try the old sleight-of-hand
routine and try and keep one back. And
don't try a bit of last minute bartering...
the prices are set. If you can't afford
it, please use another service.
The Nitty Gritty...
"No" means "NO!!".
If you want a service that I do not
provide...
BACK OFF!!! Don't ruin the mood.
Some more advice for less experienced
would-be gentlemen:
SQUEEZING MY BREASTS. Most men act
like a housewife testing a melon for
ripeness when they get their hand on
a pair. Stroke, caress, and soothe them.
BITING MY NIPPLES. Why do men fasten
onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down
like they're trying to deflate her body
via her breasts? Nipples are highly
sensitive, like the head of a penis.
They can't stand up to chewing. Lick
and suck them gently. Flicking your
tongue across them is good. Pretending
they're a doggie toy isn't.
TWIDDLING MY NIPPLES. Stop doing that
thing where you twiddle the nipples
between finger and thumb like you're
trying to tune a radio station in a
bad area. Pressing them in like a push
button is also not ok. Focus on the
whole breasts, not just the exclamation
points.
IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF MY BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three
turnoffs: Breastville East and West,
and the Midtown Tunnel! There are vast
areas of my body which you've ignored
far too often as you go bombing straight
into downtown Vagina. So start paying
them some attention. Stroke my arms,
my face, my stomach...
ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure
is very unpleasant, so gently rotate
your fingers/ tongue along the side
or just above or below the clitoris.
STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike
men, don't pick up where they left off.
If you stop, they plummet back to square
one very fast. If you want to satisfy
your companion, keep going at all costs,
numb jaw or not. Listen to my body language,
and it will go faster anyway. Ask me
to tell you or show you how I like it.
UNDRESSING ME AWKWARDLY. Women hate
looking stupid, but stupid I will look
when naked at the waist with a blouse
stuck over my head. Unwrap me like an
elegant present, not a kid's toy.
GIVING ME A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking me gently through my panties
can be very sexy. Pulling the material
up between my thighs and yanking it
back and forth is not.
BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. Although
most men can find the clitoris without
maps, they still believe that the vagina
is where it's all at. No sooner is your
hand down there than you're trying to
stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney.
This is okay in principle, but if you're
not careful, it can hurt - so don't
get carried away. It's best to pay more
attention to my clitoris and the exterior
of my vagina at first, then gently slip
a finger inside and see if I like it.
If not, don't keep repeating it. And
ensure your nails are clean and well
trimmed with no rough or sharp edges.
REMEMBER YOUR NOT WAXING YOUR CAR.
Some men have developed the technique
of touching my clitoris "pink bits"
like they are waxing their car....the
clitoris is the size of a pea....you
really do not need the whole palm of
your hand in a wax off wax on motion.
MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting
to give me a sensual, relaxing massage
to get me in the mood. Hands and fingertips
are okay, elbows and knees are not.
UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force
the issue by stripping before I have
at least made some move toward getting
your clothes off, even if it's just
undoing a couple of your buttons. Let
me set the pace. I am a professional,
& know how to do it just right..
TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man
in socks and underpants is at his worst.
Lose the socks first!
GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the
intercourse situation, the worst thing
you can do is pump away like an industrial
power tool - Build up slowly, with clean,
straight, regular thrusts. You are indulging
your sensuality, not pumping gas.
GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great
triangular hip bones into my thighs
or stomach, the pain is equal to two
weeks of horseback riding concentrated
into a few seconds. Plus I will close
my legs more to try to avoid the bruising,
so you get less deep penetration.
NOT CUMMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear
to you that humping for an hour without
climaxing is the mark of a sex god,
but to me, (and most women) it's more
likely the mark of a dumb, insensitive
jerk. Especially if its the result of
taking recreational drugs such as speed.
PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don't
act like a giant cat at a saucer of
milk. Get your whole mouth down there,
and concentrate on gently rotating or
flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
NO TEETH!!!
NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist
in doing this until I am eyeball- to-penis,
hoping that it will lead very swiftly
to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this.
It's about three steps from being dragged
to a cave by their hair. If you want
me to use my mouth, use yours; try talking
seductively to me. A lot of men don't
understand that when you give to a woman
first, she always gives 200% back.
NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm smells like sea water mixed with
egg white. Not everybody likes it. It
also ruins a good hairdo! When you're
doing something where protection is
not strictly necessary, eg. spanish,
warn me before you cum so I can do what's
necessary.
MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. Don't
thrust. I'll do all the moving during
fellatio. You just relax there. And
don't grab my head....not unless you
like a bite reflex.
LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. Read this
carefully: Anal stimulation feels good
for men because they have a prostate.
Women don't.
SQUASHING HER. Men generally weigh
more than women, so if you lie on me
a bit too heavily, I will turn blue
and have difficulty breathing.
Close of Play...
Only play for overtime if you can pay
for overtime. Don't expect a "quickie"
in the last 15 minutes... don't think
that you can carry on pumping away for
hours on end until you have had enough.
Although I am very generous with time,
the deal you have is based on time and
you agreed to it in advance.
If you wish me to stay longer, by all
means extend your booking.
DINNER OR DATES
Don't offer to buy me a drink/ a meal/
suggest going to the cinema, and expect
me to do so without payment. We may
have got on very well, and I may genuinely
like you, but business is business and
I would prefer it to be kept that way.
I am like any other professional. Ever
thought of what would happen if you
asked your lawyer to draw up some extra
contracts for you, but can he do it
in his own time, at home, for free?
No. Would your accountant give a few
hours' advice free? No. So don't confuse
the issue. Escorts are the same, but
you pay for my company and sensuality
and time rather than my legal or numerical
knowledge & time. I do offer discounted
rates for this type of booking.
LONG TERM ARRANGEMENTS / EXCLUSIVE
CONTRACT
If you are looking for a long term
arrangement, I am available for 'relationships'
(but not a live in situation) with benefactors,
on an arranged 3, 6 or 12 month time
frame, at my required price. This can
be either on a regular time basis or
on an exclusive contract basis where
you would be the only client I would
entertain for the period contracted
for and where I am "on call"
for your requirements. The maximum period
of continuous time together is 14 days
per calendar month.
Obviously this will attract benefits/discounts
not available to regular bookings, please
contact me to discuss.
The minimum term for this type of arrangement
is 3 mths. If you wish to cancel such
arrangement before the end of the agreement
there is a cancellation fee of 25% of
the total arrangement, please be sure
you understand this when seeking this
type of arrangement. A 25% deposit of
the total arrangement will be required
to secure my services.
If there is anything else you wish
to know, then feel free to contact me
either by email or instant messanger
or phone for a chat about your requirements.
I am happy to chat beforehand to ensure
that you are comfortable with your choice.
hugs and kisses
Amy xxx
Here is a link to a website that has
some humorous information called "The
Penis Owner's Manual" I think
you might find it amusing and interesting.
